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Narcissistic people feel entitled to act however they want but deny others that same freedom.

I don’t think so at least not from a place of avoidance or issues but if I was it was from a place of wanting to experience and grow into myself. I moved to NYC at the age of 1. I secured an apartment on the Upper East Side, worked as an stage actress earning my Equity card as well as eventually working at the Mo. MA without a college education.

Was I particularly lucky? I would actually say yes, I was incredibly lucky as well as young, brave and hopeful. I had dreams and ambitions that did not align with marriage or having kids.

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I was self- aware enough to appreciate and understand where I was in my journey. I thought I had time. Time to live, grow and become more of myself as a person, an artist and a woman with experience. I was naive in many respects.

I lost my virginity to a friend (not boyfriend) a month before going to NYC because I was convinced if I went to the Big Apple a virgin, I wouldn’t survive. A weird rationale to be sure and a funny one too, but I think I was ready to grow up not necessarily in a hurry, although this has a ring of truth, but I wanted to be free in most respects and yet, womanly and knowledgeable too.

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Are There Dating Sites For Separated People

I dated in NYC stockbrokers, actors, artists, company men, producers, activists, men, like me discovering themselves and men older than me who were more established in every respect. Those who went beyond the first initial dates were not jerks. At least not overly and I will maintain most of them were actually pretty good guys in all respects. They made time, they initiated contact, they took me out (and not all had the financial ability to wine & dine me which isn’t my standard of successful dating anyway), but they made an effort and asked questions and seemed fairly healthy emotionally and mentally. I did not snatch one of these men up because I didn’t know that a decade later I would be dating men (who by and large seem similar on paper at least to the men I dated previous) who are intent on lowering my expectations, playing games, treating me like an option, not listening, not inquiring, not making any effort and yet still expecting (there’s that word again) my company, my ego- fluffing, my sex and my availability all without their contributing one (excuse my language) goddamn thing. Now, I thought I was unlucky for a while.

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I thought it must be ME! I did dream boards, I read The Secret, I went to Edgar Cayce meetings, I read self- help books, I listened to Wayne Dyer DVDs, I kept myself a cool 1.

I don’t dress provocatively, I ain’t a nun either. I studied Tantra, read and wrote a thesis on the Kama Sutra and Sanskrit dramas, I educated and earned my degree, I work, I have maintained the same residence in a high- rent neighborhood in LA, I drive a Civic because it’s in great shape and don’t need a BMW to prove myself to anyone, and I think for all my efforts when I still run into AC/EUM men over and over you get to a point as I have where I’m not the one with the fucking problem. Therapy, if anything, keeps proving my initial instincts correct as I am not clingy, open- minded, willing to date men of all types, shapes and er. I’m not looking for a Daddy. I got one and while he wasn’t perfect, he is a good and decent man to me and my mother. I was raised with values.

I contribute financially without proving “I Can!” but from a modern reciprocal sensibility. I listen and ask questions beyond the superficial.

My life is far more active now then it was 5 years ago due to my career. I’m a professional, paid writer and publicist. I’m a theater critic. I am still aspiring and moving forward in my career and while I don’t have much monetarily (which I admit without shame) I’m not a snob, a bitch, mean spirited, or mentally unhinged person. And yet, I am invisible to men. My longest relationships were in my 2.

EUM in that I lived for me. I made that choice and it was one I contemplated. I could’ve stayed in Texas, gone to college, gotten married and lived pretty much where I grew up. That wasn’t my path anymore than I have the capability for quantum mechanics.

I wasn’t running away, I was running towards myself in the horizon. The woman I wanted to be ultimately, who has lived, loved, been cosmopolitan but can still ride a horse bareback and be a good shot with a pistol or a rifle.

I drink, I smoke, I eat red meat. Putting on airs doesn’t do much for me nor do I appreciate it in others. I think for the most part, I’m pretty okie- doke. So what changed here folks?

I keep asking those closest to me, “Do I give off some ill impressions?” “Am I guarded?” “Am I obviously wounded?” “Am I not pretty enough?” “What is it that makes me a seeming target for AC/EUM behavior?” And no one including my therapist has an answer for it. I got a serious problem with that. I’m not saying ALL MEN are fuckers. That would be a sweeping generalization and unfair to the good men who are out there doing right by their dependents. I am saying that unfortunately, men in general are operating from a very different mindset than they were 1. Whenever I try to change my behavior to allow this brave new world of dating and courtship, I, me, myself alone get burned every damn time. Whenever I keep my values, boundaries and standards in check, oh yes, Natalie would be cheering me on as I body slam their sorry asses on the curb like yesterday’s news but over and over and over again does do damage to a person, let alone a woman’s psyche.

I’m not being too hard or too strict or too demanding or too anything. And yes, I feel like as much as I adore, love and admire Natalie and take her advice to heart, there’s this doublespeak that infuriates me. I cannot win or succeed if I do the right thing out of the gate and drop these lousy men when they show me their ass at hello because I then get accused of “Well, are you really giving them a chance? Are you being too guarded?

Are you, are you? And then I have to say, “Look here, this is what they did XYZ, no emotion, no attachment, just the facts maam.” And then it’s like “Oh, well, you dodged a bullet then because he’s a jerk.” Awesome. As I don’t date for months on end. AC – chuck, EUM – chuck, AC/EUM/Narc – chuck. Years truck by of this and whenever I finally relax my boundaries, my standards by virtue of doing the same cycle over and over again, then I get told, “Well, you should’n’t have ignored those red flags. You should’ve maintained your boundaries.

You should this and you should that. I experienced it when men still behaved with the knowledge of “I have to bring something to the table to endear this woman to me at all, be it sex, company, a commitment, etc. Men aren’t by and large holding to that same truth anymore.

At least, not by my experience and I keep seeking it out and only get “You’re pretty good. If you skip to MY beat woman, then maybe I will acquiesce to a relationship solely on MY terms, MY prerogative, MY selfishness and not give you a thought.”They play the stupid card when it suits.

You’re telling me a 4. She can take him out, they can split the check and what all, but a grown man of 4.

Well, I’m not good at courtship. You have to lead me by the nose.” What has happened? I sincerely doubt 1.

He may have still been overly cheap, selfish and withholding, but he knew then when the mores were different that a man has to uphold certain aspects in the dating ritual bargain. Not saying he was a prince then and an ass now, but the dating mores and social rules have so relaxed that men in general are taking advantage of a woman’s goodwill, frustration and our desire to prove ourselves to NOT BE GOLD DIGGERS that I see more and more women courting men in the way men used to court women (and these men are loving it!).

Case in point. I’ve noticed a trickle effect over the years at restaurants where the check used to land squarely in front of the man, but over time, that black case started landing in the middle of the table. Lately, for the last 2 years, I’ve noticed the check keeps being placed in front of me. I have paid attention to this and even note the gender of the server: more time than not they are young and male.

Women servers tend to put that check in the middle. God bless them. I have squawked about this and been patted condescendingly on the head.

It is a fact, not an emotion, not a perception but a damn standing fact. My mother and father in Texas laugh.

I keep being told I’m Cassandra when I see what I see. So about two months ago my Mom calls me and she has a weird lilt to her voice. My father is 6. 7. They have a shared bank account so who pays is never really in question. Read this and read the following well. My Mom said she now agrees with what I have been describing concerning the check as she and my Dad went to their favorite restaurant (they have been loyal patrons for years) and the server (who has waited on them before) put the check directly in front of her.

She thought it was odd but let it go. My father noticed it and said, “Hey, this is what our daughter keeps complaining about.” My Mom lets this go until a week later she and my Dad are at another restaurant, one a lot of daters go to, in Texas, Arlington to be ever precise and the check isn’t placed in the middle but in front of her. The server: a young, (pimply–her words) male. Dad and her find this weird.

The following week, they are at another fine dining establishment and the same exact thing happens and this time my Dad speaks up. Why did you put the check in front of the woman?” His answer. And it’s happening here.” I seize on this story like a drowning rat! I come back, “See! I’ve been saying this for years and no wants to listen. Not even you two.” Mom in all her patience comes back, “We have been listening because we wouldn’t have noticed it like we did. I’m so sorry.” Now Dad tells the server when they ask for the check to deliver it to him, not because it matters but because he’s now trying to dispel this awful new subtle dating practice.

He believes me while validating, doesn’t change the environs of which I am in.