Ten Ways to Marry the Wrong Person, marrying the wrong person. With the divorce rate over 5. To avoid becoming a . You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married. The classic mistake.
Never marry potential. The golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, . You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character.
Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the . Would I like my child to turn out like him or her? Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people?
How does s/he treat people s/he doesn't have to be nice to? Does s/he do volunteer work? Give charity? Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says s/he's going to do? Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does s/he enjoy life?
Ten Ways to Marry the Wrong Person: Blind love is not the way to choose a spouse. Here are practical tools for keeping your eyes wide open and prevent marrying the.
Is s/he emotionally stable? Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person?
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Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?#3. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most. Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn't .
The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention. This is most apparent in Judaism's approach to intimacy. Dating Girl With Borderline Personality Disorder on this page.
The Torah obligates the husband to meet the intimate needs of his wife. Intimacy is always on the woman's terms. Men are goal- oriented, especially when it comes this area. As a wise woman once pointed out, . When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience- oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy. When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife pleasure, amazing things happen.#4. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goals and priorities.
There are three basic ways we connect with another person: chemistry and compatibilityshare common interestsshare common life goal. Make sure you share the deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide. After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you're . You choose the wrong person because you get intimately involved too quickly.
Intimacy before the commitment of marriage can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Physical involvement tends to cloud one's mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions.
It is not necessary to take a . If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don't have to worry about it. Of all the studies done on divorce, incompatibility in the intimate arena is almost never cited as a main reason why people divorce.#6. You pick the wrong person because you do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person.
To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask: . We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes.
You should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc. Also ask: ? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?#7. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don't feel emotionally safe. Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person?
Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way?
Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way! Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you're afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there's a problem with the relationship. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don't feel the other person is trying to control you.
Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. There's a big difference between . You pick the wrong person because you don't put everything on the table. Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion.
Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise. You need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you? Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can't be vulnerable, then you can't be intimate. The two go hand in hand.#9.
You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness. If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably be unhappy and married, too. If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You'll feel better, and your future spouse will thank you.#1.
You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle. To be . A person who hasn't separated from his or her parents is the classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money.
Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in the triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You will not be their number one priority. And that's no basis for a marriage. Related Video: Four Ways to Marry the Wrong Person.