The INFJ “Counselor” Personality Type – Personality Type and Personal Growth. My mom is an INFJ.
ENTP Personality Type and Characteristics An Overview of the ENTP Personality Type.
ENT vs INF, Im in agreement with your breakdown (as an entp) I would argue the ent brings external "wisdom" which is not easily measurable to an IQ exam. Detailed profiles of the 16 psychological types. Supports a very active email discussion group on psych type.
As I look back on my childhood, I have no idea how she managed all the “stuff” she had to do each day. She was a stay at home mom that homeschooled me and my brother, she worked right along side my father in the non- profit they both ran together and she still found time to pour into the lives of others. A quick recap of her amazingness. Maybe you don’t even remember what those needs and desires are anymore. Keep reading. I’m going to break down the mental wiring of your INFJ mind and then dig into some strategies for dealing with some common INFJ problems. The Wiring of The INFJ Mind (aka YOU)Your four letter code INFJ gives us insight into how your mind is learning information and making decisions.
The primary way your mind sees the world is by using a mental process we’ve nicknamed “Perspectives.” It’s technical name is Introverted Intuition. When looking at the world – Perspectives is interested in finding deep insight.
It tends to ask a lot of discovery questions, like: What is the meaning of knowledge? What are the long- range implications of emerging social trends? How are two people in an argument actually agreeing without realizing it? Imagine a four passenger car. If one of your mental processes could drive – it would be Perspectives.
Using this mental process puts you in flow. You’ve been using it your whole life. It’s your reality filter and informs what captures your attention. If Perspectives is how you see the world as an INFJ, then the mental process we’ve nicknamed “Harmony” is how you make your best decisions. Harmony is a feeling process and asks the question, “What gets everyone’s needs met?”Think about that four passenger car again.
Sensation is all about real time kinetics, and understanding the world through your physical senses by being fully immersed in the here- and- now. Notice – I haven’t talked about INFJ behaviors.
Instead, I’ve been talking about the mental wiring of your mind. Behaviors can only give us clues to how your mind is wired. It’s far more interesting to dive into WHAT CAUSES our behaviors as people.
Here at Personality Hacker – We don’t talk about personality types for their own sake. We think understanding your personality is one of the best ways to frame your personal growth journey. And we attract INFJs who are interested in personal growth. Asking For What You Need Should Not Lead To Disappointment.
Many INFJs struggle with disappointment. You are aching inside for someone to recognize the needs that have been going unmet for a while (sometimes years). You need more alone time.
No one seems to realize this and you continue to be surrounded by people who sap your energy. Disappointment. You need quiet space to think and process. No one sees this need and you push ahead with half drawn conclusions and less than elegant thoughts. Your brain feels scattered as you go.
More disappointment and now frustration sets in. You need positive approval and emotional stimulation. You need excitement. These needs are not noticed by others and you even worry that the needs themselves may be childish or immature.
Even more disappointment floods your heart combined with frustration and a sense of guilt for “wanting such silly things.”If you found yourself nodding with my descriptions above – keep reading. I have a few thoughts for you. Asking For What You Need as an INFJGetting your needs met is a skill you will need to continue building throughout your life as an INFJ. You are already half- way there. You are very good at meeting the needs of others around you (especially the people you care about most). But my guess is that you lack the same tender love and care for yourself. Let me ask you? When was the last time you drew a hot bath, lit some candles, locked the door, told the kids to stay out while you read a good book?
When was the last time you booted up the computer to just play a game and drink coffee? When was the last time you hung out with your friends just to talk? When was the last time you did something (anything) for yourself? Just you getting your needs met? My guess. You’ve been able to swing through the coffee shop and get yourself a quick latte. You may have even been able to set aside an outing for yourself one night last week. But who are you kidding?
You know that every minute, every experience. And after the latte is gone – the dentist calls your name – or your spouse returns with the kids – you feel worse. You feel like you are living on borrowed energy and everyone wants more from you. You already have a deep sense of guilt for taking time for you. Well my INFJ friend, it’s time to get real and start setting boundaries for yourself and your needs. I want you to read that again.
Your genius of getting the needs of others met is starting to atrophy the more you neglect the very source of that superpower. And you’ve been seduced to believe that you don’t have very real, urgent and pressing needs to meet. I know, I know. It would be a wonderful world where your girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse, parent, child or friend instinctively knew what you needed and could carve out the time and resources to make it happen.
That can sometimes happen. But if it doesn’t – it’s no excuse to ignore yourself. So what’s stopping you? As an INFJ, your best defense against disappointment is to focus on getting your needs met. You May Not Feel Entitled To Get Your Needs Met. Think back to the last time you were on an airplane.
Just before the flight, as the attendants are going over safety procedures, they always explain how the oxygen masks work. You are instructed to put on your oxygen mask BEFORE you help anyone else.
Why? Because you can’t be of any help to anyone if you are unconscious from lack of air. With Harmony as your decision making process, you vet all your decisions through the question of “Will this get everyone’s needs met?’Notice the word “everyone.” YOU are a part of “everyone.”If you truly want to get EVERYONE’s needs met – you must include yourself. Put on your own “oxygen mask” BEFORE you can help others. You May Fear Lack Of Approval By Others. Lack of approval from others is a legitimate fear for INFJs.
You understand the social currency of approval better than most. I bet you can remember all the times when you felt the lack of approval in your life. These were probably not casual events for you. The pain still feels real. You can sense the shame, embarrassment or fear when you think about those times.
If you can include your needs with everyone, then you can also include the ability to offer approval and disapproval. Why do others get to set the tone for what is worthy of approval? Why can’t you also set the tone for approval? You don’t have to approve of another person’s disapproval. Seriously, you can decide right now to disapprove of your mother- in- law. Just like that. You just decided. There’s no government telling you that it’s illegal.
There’s no mother- in- law mafia that just ordered a hit on you. You get to do that. You are empowered.
When you realize that you are the creator of your experience – you are included with the group, and your needs also need to be met – you will be stepping into your genius as an INFJ. The Difference Between Being Kind vs Being Nice. I want to make a clear distinction between two seemingly similar concepts. It’s my belief that INFJs can benefit from making a clear distinction between being kind and being nice. Being nice means that you will say what needs to be said to preserve feelings.
You may stretch the truth, flatter or offer fake approval just to “grease the social wheels.” If being nice tells people what they WANT to hear, being kind tells people what they NEED to hear wrapped in love and good intent. Telling your best friend that he dresses sloppy and that’s why he’s having a difficult time dating sounds harsh, and yet it is a kindness. When a friend asks you to support her in her addictions (food, alcohol, etc) and you go along with it, that’s not kind. You were nice in the moment and she likes you for the positive words, but they aren’t truthful and ultimately she will hurt herself. I’d love to hear some of your examples of kind vs nice in the comments below.
Where have you seen this come up in your life? Teen Dating Love Help Advice more. You May Feel Misunderstood and Resent All Your “One- Sided” Relationships.
Let’s move on to friends, family and feeling misunderstood. The one thing I think all INFJs have in common is the statement, “I feel so misunderstood.”Wanting to be understood by friends and family is natural. And yet – your INFJ brain is wired so differently you end up with a smorgasbord of one- sided relationships. People may love you – but they don’t know you. People may think you’re smart – but they don’t seem to actually respect your thought process. People dump their problems on you – and as you begin to express your own challenges in life – they lose interest or turn the conversation back onto themselves. So, it’s easy for INFJs to move through the world feeling alone, isolated and misunderstood.
We all crave deep intimacy and connection. We all want someone else to deeply understand us on a core fundamental level. However, INFJs have a tendency to lose themselves in relationships, which only adds to their feelings of isolation, pain and misunderstanding. The story is common for INFJs. You fall in love and now it’s ALL about the other person.
You’ve lost touch with your own interests and desires. You seem to be living for this other person and what they want in life. Or you completely lose yourself to your children. Or you allow your friends to set the tone of your relationships. You may have distant memories of your hobbies, interests and purposes in life. But your past desires have now become hollow echoes of a life that seems more like a dream than your personal history.
Making Friends That Will Meet You Halfway. It is possible for you to have fulfilling co- creative relationships with people who get you on a deep emotional and intellectual level.